swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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