i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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