how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I looked at my own cervix.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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