It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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