I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
