I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My ass is underappreciated
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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