so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
