You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
