4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
