he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
