Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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