i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
