so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
