My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
