well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
