Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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