Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
