My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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