Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
