I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
