Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
