Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
