That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
