You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
