Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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