i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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