So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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