Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
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