i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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