took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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