I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
