We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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