this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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