You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Its about making memories worth repressing
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
