Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
