I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
