A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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