found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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