I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Randomize
