remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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