goodnight i made you a song goodbye
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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