Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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