At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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