So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Oh god it's open bar.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
