So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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