But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
