This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
