Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
