More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
