just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
