summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
