Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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