Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
