And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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