shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So vagazzling was a success
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
