if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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