I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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