Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
