her vagine was all disorganized.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
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She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
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THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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