my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
third nipple confirmed
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
