How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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