why didn't you poke me back
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
