grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize