OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
