i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
