She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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