I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
