The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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