i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
