There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Four minutes until I can fart!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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